The Equalizer

12:45pm.
Maybe it was my midmorning snack of two black coffees and a diet coke, but I have this nervous pit in my stomach and a bad case of the jitters. As if I've done something. As if something's going to happen. Or maybe something already has.

I've been more paranoid than usual. It could be that I grew up middle class, and I am so not in that environment anymore... that is until I return to my four-room apartment on Bloor St... It's astounding how severe the hierarchal dichotomy is in the professional world. I often feel inadequate. I shouldn't though and I know that. But, to be honest, it's kind of nice to not be so self-assured for a change. It makes you work twice as hard, if not harder.

It also makes you always wonder what others are thinking and why.

My Dad says not to worry. He says to just be my honest self and everything will be more than fine. How does he say this with such unbound conviction, as if he's in tune with some deeper fate with God himself.

In any case, I've come to understand that even if we think we owe to others for the bulk of our achievements, we also in part owe it to ourselves to see that we at least play some role in getting to where we wish to be.

We just need to build it. And considering there's a massive green tarp right behind my cubicle blocking off a site of demolition - in order to then reconstruct a corner office that oozes years of learning, harwork and success... I know for a fact that "building" is a work in progress. So we gotta be in it for the long-haul. If you're in a nervous hurry? Then this life? It ain't for you.

Patience.
Axl Rose really does give great advice.

Lola.