Dear Beth and Manly,
No one reads this anymore. I don't write here anymore. But since last night generally felt like the biggest digression of this past year, an example of a social situation I generally prefer to avoid, why not do something I used to do to deal in the old days? I don't do well with "reunions." I like unions while they're unions. And when they're over? Onward!
I only ever feel compelled to write about my feelings and complicated thought processes when I'm in the kinds of contemplative moods that I currently am in now.
Do you know exactly when you lost your innocence? I don't even want it back; but sometimes I find myself wondering what I'd be like if I lost it the way everyone else usually does. One of my friend's said to me everyone should get their heartbroken to know love. I've suffered from a broken heart (I arguably still do some days) but not in the same way she was referring to. Does it still count? Do I know this "love" she is referring to? Or do I know a different kind of love? A love that isn't transparent and clouded by the innate need and desperation to consummate.
A boy has never broke my heart. I'd like to know that pain. One day, no doubt. But not yet. And not today.I'm in no rush. This is not a race. Until then, I have Caleb Followill's voice to do for me at night, what I suppose your significant others do for you.
People in relationships can be hard to be around. I hate people feeling conflicted because they feel the need to entertain me while also stroking their significant other. Just let me be. I'm a big girl. I'm just fine on my own. Finer than you even.
December, no doubt, is always the hardest. Oh yearning, you are my most painful and yet most favourite feeling.
Love Always,
Lola Anarcha N.
It started and it will end with a film. Trust me.
