I don't want to feel this way forever.

Who do you lean on after something bad happens?

I've noticed a lot of the people around me were quick to attach themselves to someone after something really bad happened a few years back. Do they love the person they've leaned on so much more for being there during a time of such grief?

I guess I do have certain people to go to - to turn to. But all of these people have other people that need them more. That mean more. That don't appear as "strong" as I am.

This is how my dad must feel. He only has himself to take care of himself. He only has himself.

I just feel this weight on my heart sometimes. And I think to myself, "how did this happen?" It's not like I need sympathy because I don't. I like my life... a lot! But it's like nobody's even willing to sympathize. Nobody knows how. Nobody wants to or cares to. It's ok, though. Because I don't need it.

Think about it. What if this happened to you. Huge, right? BIG, right? You feel like you would die, right? But you won't. Trust me.

You'll feel almost... free. Or... invincible.

But I don't want you to think such thoughts. So don't even imagine what it would be like for one second!

I guess what's really on my mind is that it makes me sad and extraordinarily curious why everyone else has someone so special to lean on - who's there for them so genuinely... but I don't. Like your puzzle piece that just fits. That just gets you, selflessly.

I just want to meet someone selfless. It will restore my faith in the world. In destiny. Longevity.

Will I find them? Will they appear, in time?

In time: The answer to everything. The cure-all to everything.

And yet, so frustrating.

Lola

If I was a christmas tree ornament I'd be a popsicle stick reindeer that says "To Mom."