Do you ever find yourself irritated by feelings most likely delineated from jealousy, all because of someone you don't even feel all that strongly for?
Why am I possessive of certain individuals I often find myself disgusted by when I think of them in morning light? I guess I like to pretend - which essentially is a huge gash toward anyone's longing to call me a "stand up gal." Honestly, as I strive for genuinity, I often go out to social engagements knowing well ahead of time I'll be acting for the evening - acting for the sheer desire of the satisfaction one has when having a ball. I'll have a pretend ball, you see.
On another note, when I'm lucky, I'll end up on the same streetcar as this bearded man with a knit toque, and I admire him from a distance. He reminds me of another of my potential love interests who busts tables at the Roxton - but this gent works in some mysterious unknown destination down an alley off Queen W. He's the perfect height, and he's brooding without seeming whiney or adolescent, or "suburban." I think I could love him. Or at least, pretend to love him for kicks have we ever reach the point of "going" out somewhere fly on a friday. Or a Tuesday after work.
As for Benny. He can have his girl. They deserve each other - they do. I can tell she actually likes him, and he actually likes her. Evn though I know he wished I was being true, and it was more than flirty glances and warming smiles, he knew I was a liar. He knew my heart was somewhere else. No... he knew it was lost.
Now only if I could find it.
Lola.
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