Saturday, December 5, 2009

Yellow label

I love the No-Name brand
Because its labels lack nonsense
If the can says
GINGER ALE
(or, alternately,
soda au
GINGEMBRE)
then there is no question that what you'll get is
tssss!
ginger ale.
The same goes with
COLA,
Three-fruit
MARMALADE,
and, my favourite,
PANCAKE MIX.

No gimmicks or mascots
No talking toucans or ravenous rabbits or
enormously homosexual elves
To. The. Point.
No-Name
Without-a-name
Nameless.

If I had a No-Name Name
my label would read:

FEMALE, HUMAN
Contains one (1) serving
Ingredients: Water, bone, blood, muscle, fat, tissue, natural flavours
Nutritional Facts: Probably not as healthy as she could be, but you can do worse. Not a significant source of Vitamin A or Iron.
Product of Canada (with parts pre-assembled in Vietnam)
May contain traces of nuts.

On my back: everything above
only in French.

1 comment:

Beth & Manly - Formerly - sexlessinthecity said...

I will always read the french labels and pronounce them horribly. We will proceed to laugh.

i loved getting no name chips at halloween! they were always extra salty and greasy and crunchy! mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmm