Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art

How often are relationships plagued by random untrue shit you say during their early conception period? It’s not even as if you’re intending to lie to the person. No, it’s more like you’re just too desperate to have something in common that you lose perspective of the truth. “’Don’t Forget Me?’ I love that RHCP song! It’s my favourite of theirs” and you think to yourself “No it isn’t. What the hell am I talking about?” But you have to go with it. Because admitting to a lie this early in a new relationship is suicide. And it’s not a bad song. Not in the least. So who cares?

It’s situations like these that make me really question how well I know myself. Kind of like when you have a really fucked up dream. That's YOUR brain right? But which part? Not one I’ve ever seen before...

So I tend to go along with these semi-untrue things when they come out, because they must be semi-true as well, correct? Otherwise, how could I have said or done them in such a Freudian manner?

But when these things are hard to keep up, really hard... then you have to consider that maybe you made a mistake. A fluke. You were pretty nervous after all. A pinch drunk too perhaps?

To unveil this a bit... I always want to start off new relationships with unwavering confidence. Because what’s hotter than that, right? I want to march right up, tell the person what I think, and where to meet me. But after they meet me, and give me their number... well then what? Text them when I'm ready... a year later? And if they miraculously reply to that post-dated text, and are still free for a beer.... WHAT THEN? What then?- When a year has gone by and you no longer feel that fluke of confidence you did when you were (for example)... thinner, with soft brunette hair, and dressed to the nines. Especially when back in those days you weren’t any of those things for their sake. It was for someone else. For the ghost. The elephant in every room.

Des

Doesn't need anyone to tell her she's insecure. Thanks.