It's like that scene in those movies when the melancholy girl whose lost everything falls into that dark druggy drooling abyss, wears black shit on her eyes, gets all skeletal and weird - She doesn't paint anymore, or eat apple pie anymore or dance anymore. Her spirit ashed out like a cig in a styrofoam cup.
She disappears.
Poof!
But...
but then...
She doesn't give up on herself... (Cue Rocky theme song here damn it!)
And when she returns (somehow healed and healthy) - she's always blonder, a bit fleshy with dewey sugar plum skin. And boy can she rock a pair of acid wash Levi's and birkenstocks.
Crowds part like the friggin Red Sea.
Watch out Britney.
I love that scene. I love that new healthy girl.
Healthy is sexy.
Va Va Voom kind of sexy.
When I was a little girl CJ was my favourite on BayWatch.
Okay - the point ....
A little disclaimer -- I strongly dislike sentences that start with "you just gotta..." and for all those who also despise that... I strongly and genuinely apologize for my next rambly thought...
But somehow... we just gotta know who we want to be, and how we want to feel - the kind of spirit we want... and go after that! "What God gave us" is kind of a questionable statement in this case. If what God gave you blows chunks, then go out and change it! Change it to what you want, and to who you want to be!
Not who you think you want to be... but who you've always wanted to be... how you always imagined to feel.
When you do it... it's brilliant. You feel like... you. This big, beaming ball of spirit.
SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The challenge is to be honest with yourself. I think anyways. And to stop trying to please people. I dyed my hair. I got a friggin tattoo. I can't be everyone's pure perfect little librarian girl anymore. I just want to be me. The me that loves California and tacky tans. The me that reads OUT LOUD and wears tons of mascara. The me that dances to the radio, paints till 4 am and drinks OJ. The me that LOVES being with her friends. Talking with her friends... even if it's about nothing or even if we sing the same old songs. It's fun!!!!!!!!!
No more wasting time!!!
xo mother lovers,
-----LO-----
If I can do the impossible - I would eat a piece of my mother's warm, initial marked apple pie, right now.
1 comment:
loved the energy and enthusiam and feeling slightly guilty for always making fun of you for reading out loud (guess that's a pet peeve of mine... i'm sure i'm irksome in many other ways haha).
ps: i'm pretty sure there's a frozen pie in the freezer... if so, we should defrost and heat in the oven ;)
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