Sometimes I want to take my toaster in the bath...

"You wanna know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison f--king Avenue. Yeah. Let me explain something to you, OK? Look, girls with big tits have big asses, girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't f--k around, he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little, tiny niddlers. It's not my rule If you don't like it, call him...(Looking at a Penthouse magazine) Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that?...Yeah, that's nice, right? Well, it doesn't exist, OK. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a f--kin' weave, OK? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits, by design, were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being so unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bulls--t. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs - hi Bob - our cellulite, feel somehow inadequate. Well, I don't buy it, all right? But you f--kin' mooks, you think if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're gonna do. You're gonna end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're gonna decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you gonna find a cheerleader?...If you had an ounce of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her... No matter how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there's some other s--t going on in the relationship besides the physical, it's gonna get old, OK? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip, otherwise the future of the human race is in jeopardy." - Gina Barrisano, Beautiful Girls

- L o xx