you see tinsel at night and plaid in the morning

Pretend this is written on Hilroy lined paper in a 3-hole duotang with a blue bic pen I found on the floor.

part one: "Tinsel"
I imagine an evening in his parents' semi-finished basement. We sit on that snake-like couch that fills the entire room, you and me. And the four or five of them are spread around on the rug or wherever. It's Christmas time, so naturally I allow myself to relax... at least in the evenings when i've allotted time for some mindless fun.

The house (which is one of many houses in this elite suburban town that looks just the same as the one next door) is decked with the kind of holiday decor a mom would buy at a craft show. This makes us think of the craft show phase conversation we had while on a walk searching for grapes a Fall evening in weeks past.

We're watching movies or Fresh Prince or something. We talk and analyze easy things. The kind of conversation that makes us smile and laugh, like which Aunt Vivian we prefer - pre or post Nicky. We have the kind of time one has with "friends" not "classmates" or worse yet, "film student classmates" ...and I'm thankful for this... and I imagine you are too.
We eat raspberries from the container, listen to home-made rap jingles and play silly games like Never Have I Ever, except you and I are the only ones who never have to swig in comparison to the sausage party we've somehow invaded. Later we go for a haunted walk and crave 88 fine Vietnamese Cuisine. We stand in a circle and I look over at you and you're smiling and laughing and comfortable. Maybe you're a little sleepy, but that's nothing new. We feel like kids at moments like this... when we're around them...when we're in this town... perhaps because this is essentially a middle-school Friday night agenda sans TGIF and tear-aways.

I get lost in this thought and I laugh some more. I feel like i'm on an escalator, but really my feet are just numb and there's ice on the asphalt. A moment goes by and I look up and I see that we're not in that ticky-tacky town at all. You're really just sitting in the kitchen drinking NiQuil and inhaling nail polish remover and I'm cooking the same thing I cook every night - angering carnivores everywhere. We are only just reminiscing. The tap is dry and shia's empty and we're antsy for it. I don't know if we want it or need it. Maybe we don't want it at all. Maybe this was all just a fleeting thought pregnant with a snapshot from third year that I had in my own mind?

I wonder sometimes how things could have been different if some "jenk" stuff didn't go down? I can't seem to think of how else to phrase that even though I try my best for mediocre eloquence. I wonder about it and I think you wonder about it too. Once in a while I wish things didn't become so weird... even as much as I dig weird as weird is only but a natural feeling and I take comfort in what is considered "natural." There really isn't an ending for this but I'm ready to move on to my next thought. We can talk more about this later.

part two: "Plaid"
I believe in that worldly adage "United we stand, Divided we fall" which I believe is originally a patriotic song lyric of some sort. But what it stands for is more than often true in work, in love, in family and friends.

They say when you live in the city your friends are your family... but sometimes I can't help but wonder if the value I hold others is nearly equivalent of there value of me. And sometimes, even if it's just for a second I think of the Rose City and if the people there are any different or any better - value me less or more. Then I remember that this is just me over analyzing everything and then I focus again and I feel better. I like to focus and i like to feel control. It improves my mood significantly. I like work too - that helps. I'm somewhat of a workaholic you can say. Yet at the same time, I'd like the freedom of jetting off to Costa Rica or Egypt at a moment's notice. And at the same time I'd like to waste days away sitting under trees reading William Blake and making out... if I remember how, that is.

Anyways, the point is... I can't at this moment jet off... but I will. I once paid a palm reader on the street 15 bucks and she told me I was going to be a "globe-trotter." I believe her even if she was constantly looking over my shoulder for the cops. No matter how far you go...you can always go "home" again... wherever you consider that home to be. Some of us think that if we don't do something now we'll never do it.... and I thank God I was born with the security in myself to know I'm totally not like that.

A game for you to play:
1. Never have I ever: recorded a song about the ozone layer on a Windows 95.
2. Never have I ever: wore spandex bicycle shorts with neon stripes on the side.
3. Never have I ever: danced on a riser at a shkeify bar, while wearing "Gina" earrings.
4. Never have I ever: liked your best-friend.
5. Never have I ever: ate at the Mandarin then got bad in a parked car.

I need some chamomile and a newspaper asap, blogging makes me feel a little silly.

xoLo.

If i were pajamas I would be: man's plaid shirt, tube socks with 2 stripes on the ankle and CK briefs circa 1990.