I'm a Rainbow in your Jail cell... Beware of the percussionists

Sometimes, no matter how much it looks like a person changes they're still the fat kid with the big mouth who hurled all over the bleachers at the Main Arena.
The one who always played the Yoshi to some other chic's Princess Toadstool. Who danced around to her brother's Duderanch and sublime and went as a pumpkin for Halloween not a stripper version of a dental hygienist (not that I'm placing judgment). The one who never had a date to prom but it didn't really matter because the guy I liked didn't either...

And yet, however trivial these observations and self-reflections, it's like I'm the only one not in highschool anymore from my hometown. Everyone still hangs out with the same friends, and date the same people (and then rotate within the group when it seems necessary). Inbred, I know.
No matter how much has changed and how well I do in the Big City, I'm still that fat girl with glasses who does her homework and enjoys it and everyone else is the rock star.

When a person is romantically-jaded they have become that way for a good reason. Now I haven't thought about you for quite sometime, but when you re-emerge I can't help but think you were the last person I had a genuine crush on. Even if you were some burn-out from high school whose number is probably 64. God. The very thought kinda makes me wanna upchuck.

It all started because a friend mentioned you the other day and then you popped up in my dream last night which was so weird. We found ourselves alone in a kitchen. We were at a houseparty, typical of our hometown. You were just about to say something but then your cell-phone rang... which happened to be my alarm clock as well. I woke up. Got my self a peach from the fridge and watched a little Freaks & Geeks. It put me at ease just a little... until i realized it was the episode when Lindsey hooks up with the babe drummer. Beware of the percussion.

I don't really know what you are up to now, or if I ever even once crossed your mind as someone you even considered a friend. Based on your former and latter significant others, I doubt you were into my looks... but I thought maybe by some small chance you were more than that... God you're such a douche. I don't even care. But I do. I'm a friggin walking contradiction. Always and with everything.

Moreover, everyone else who has ever come along. I'm sorry. Do us both a favor and move on because I'll get bored and won't care because this last crush left me kind of jaded. On top of it all, I'm way too self-righteous and so goddamn apathetic towards relationships it's unbelievable.

Anyways. I'm gonna get back to working on my feature script. But I leave you with two songs that remind me of you. Or "him" rather because I imagine he would never ever read this and know I was talking about him...

1.

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

Tonight
I throw myself into
And out of the red, out of her head she sang

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me

Slow how
You wanted it to be
I'm over my head, out of her head she sang
Chorus-

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
Verse 2-

Breathe out
So I could breathe you in
Hold you in

And now
I know you've always been
Out of your head, out of my head I sang
Chorus-

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
Chorus-

And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

2.
Im an ocean in your bedroom
Make you feel warm
Make you want to re-assume
Now we know it all for sure

Im a dance hall dirty breakbeat
Make the snow fall
Up from underneath your feet
Not alone, Ill be there
Tell me when you want to go

Im a meth lab first rehab
Take it all off
And step inside the running cab
Theres a love that knows the way

Im the rainbow in your jail cell
All the memories of
Everything youve ever smelled
Not alone, Ill be there
Tell me when you want to go

Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend
Dont forget me
I cant hide it
Come again make me excited

Im an inbred and a pothead
Two legs that you spread
Inside the tool shed
Now we know it all for sure

I could show you
To the free field
Overcome and more
Will always be revealed
Not alone, Ill be there
Tell me when you want to go

Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend
Dont forget me
I cant hide it
Come again get me excited

Im the bloodstain
On your shirt sleeve
Coming down and more are coming to believe
Now we know it all for sure

Make the hair stand
Up on your arm
Teach you how to dance
Inside the funny farm
Not alone, Ill be there
Tell me when you want to go

xoxo - LO
ps. If I was any Scorsese flick i would be: Taxi Driver.