Sink your teeth right through my bones, baby

I want heartache and sadness and pain, physical pain. I want it to be the kind of pain, the kind of epic hurt that someone else causes.

A boy someone. Or... a man someone... i guess.

I want uncontrollable tears that just fall from our eyes. We lean in... foreheads touch. Sweat.

Salt on my lips. And then we, and then we... and then we kiss. And, oh my God, we just fall into it...9.8 m/s, outer space, black holes, and exploding stars kind of kiss... and you hear that "humph" sound, as we try and catch our breath - lips together. And you press in, harder and and firmer. I squeeze my eyes shut. And it's just... words cannot explain. They shouldn't have to.

I want to hurt you. I want you to hurt me back. Or hurt me first. And I want it to mean something. Anything.

Not anything. Something.

I want to meet someone. Someone new. And I want us to hurt each other. Because if we hurt each other - it means we care for each other. CARE.

I want to care about someone so bad. Not anyone... someone... meaningful, that makes me dizzy and weak in the knees. Someone I want to be around all the time. Talk endless hours. Can't eat, can't sleep. Will eat, will sleep. And oh,

I want it to hurt when I see them... even when I catch a glimpse of them from across the room, from afar. Or even when I just think I do... but it's someone else...and I still get that 50ft. drop, roller coaster colliding down faster, faster, break the jar, release one hundred butterflies fluttering in my stomach kind of feeling.

I'm starting to think all those people who fall to pieces over any old guy are actually the lucky ones.

Why must I always learn the hard way? Walk the harder road? Take the harder punch?

Well I guess the harder life is, the more it'll hurt in the end.

And I want it to hurt.

Hurt so bad.

xoLo

Masochist baby.