Creamsoda and Illinois

I have a crush on this guy that works at this coffee shop I frequent. The kind of crush where I only know his name because of the label maker print on his name tag.

I haven't had a crush in years. The thing that is as equally exciting as it is infuriating is the very fact that crushes generally evolve from little to no interaction. Most of the time we don't even know the people we have these little emotional things for. The funny thing about this crush? After he served me 2 or 3 times in a very short timespan (of which one of these times I was with my sister and immensely hung over and looking like a rancid courtney love) I stopped seeing him. And it's important to mention that non of these interactions were particularly flirty. I didn't feel any sort of vibe from him, and as the Libra that i am, I'm pretty sure I acted surprisingly reserved (always consumed by copious amounts of scripts to read, or the need to absorb alcohol).

Once I caught him (or the idea of him) crossing my mind as I passed by this coffee shop as I so often do every now and again, I stopped seeing him in real life. He disappeared. He no longer served me my large blacks. It's as if he is no longer employed by said coffee shop. I don't think much would come of this unrequited "like" anyway if I ever do end up seeing him again because it's just difficult to connect with a stranger and progress that connection into a potential and eventual friendship. That, and I'm afraid of "the chase." It's intimidating and vulnerable. And as a self-proclaimed feminist the very thought of appearing vulnerable sounds weak and I'm anything but.

But if we were to ever meet again and maybe even become acquaintances, I think he would be a choice companion to see films with. At the Royal... the Bloor. Pretty together. If somebody were to ask me what I want on a "social" level - just someone I respect and actually like and find interesting to accompany me to interesting films, concerts. Someone to dance to MSTRKRFT with. And roadtrip with to Illinois if I wanted to.

It is quite rare when I actually attend movies with a "friend" and it's because several of these people in my social circles are people I find it challenging to connect with creatively and spiritually. There's a lack of spirit I can really get behind. That's why when I think I can see something good in someone, it's exciting.

I'm in a good place right now. And soon enough, by the new year, I'll be someplace even better. This I know. 2011 afterall was my family's Bonanza Video pin code. And that to me, means something.