The biggest breakthrough would be realizing Carrie should pick Aiden

I, Desiree Thrash, hereby solemnly swear not to engage in what could be interpreted as ‘crazy ex-girlfriend behaviour’. I will not behave foolishly or destructively, no matter how I might rationalize it. Therefore I vow the following:

• I will not call him. No matter what news I think he needs to hear from only me, I will not call him. Even if I am completely convinced calling will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him crying, that will only push him further away. No girl in the history of the world has ever felt better after calling an ex-love at 3am, and I am unlikely to be the first. Even if I have a serious work-related issue to sort out, I will not call him. I will not call him about anything.
  
• I will not text or email him. I will not email him about work related matters or problems. I will not contact him at all.
  
• I will not answer his phone calls. “Just checking to see how I am” is checking to see if whether or not I think he is a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not looking to get together.
  
• I will not look for signs that we will get together. This includes asking a Buddha-shaped Magic 8 Ball, and 680 News horoscopes. The only guidance I will seek is that of a registered therapist.

I promise to abide by these rules for 30 days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer.

This I affirm. So help me.

Signed,
Desiree Thrash

If I was a state of matter... I would be a liquid.